Welcome to my journal!

You scoundrel, looking at my journal entries! It's almost as if I put them out for all to see!

Anyways, enjoy if you do read. Be warned it's probably rambly and whatnot, that's the ADHD in action.

If there's nothing visible yet, that's because I hid the button to my first entry until it's complete.

Week 29

July 15 - July 21

Preface

I doubt I'll have that much to say on a daily basis (specially with how much I've been losing time lately) and I know it'd bother me, so instead I'm opting to do weekly entries that I add to over the course of the week. I'd say something about the week so far if I could remember but I just genuinely don't know. I've always had bad memory and it honestly makes trying to make a journalling habit hard because it just unsettles me to look back on events I don't remember. But I'm giving it a go again anyways!

Painting

Valheim and norse mythology

I almost forget that norse mythology is my culture. I grew up with this, I studied this alongside historical events in my country. I'm allowed to have opinions on this.

That being said, I really don't mind different media writing creative interpretations of norse mythology. I think it's neat! "Interpretation" is the key word here though. I always approach it with the mindset of "this isn't meant to be representative of actual real-world norse mythology." What does bother me is when:

A) Other people don't seem to get that when consuming any media based off mythos and legends or

B) When the media actively presents itself as "accurate" or "the real story"

But barring those two points? I really enjoy seeing the different interpretations!

It does feel... strange to me that it feels like norse mythology has been a bit of a trend in storytelling. Or, rather, that we've recently come out of that trend. I don't know, it's not something I feel like I should be feeling that much about but this slightly uncomfortable feeling persists at the thought of it.

It's just been on my mind a bit as I've been playing Valheim. I love Valheim by the way, I have no complaints with how it's inspired by norse mythology. It fun. I find it hilarious that when you get to make a device to make offerings to Thor, his "gift" to you is coal. You get coal. Because he burned your offerings.

If there was one thing I wish more people were aware of in regards to norse mythology, it's the christianization. IIRC: we've lost a lot of the context, lore and views from before then. After the christians got their foot in, a lot of writing on norse mythology changed. I think most notably in removing moral ambiguity and the addition of definite evil (a devil comparison). There's a lot of scholarly debate about what reflects the original views and what was warped, I believe. I don't know, don't take my word for any of this.

Also guys. Guys I know we love the end of the world but why is nobody talking about how after the end of Ragnarök a new land rises from the sea, where the surviving gods and surviving humans take refuge and the world starts anew. Guys the world gets reborn. Why does nobody acknowledge this. It's not just the end, it's a new beginning on a fresh slate.

Guitar and motivation

Every time I actually sit down and strum again, I wonder why I ever put the guitar down. There's few things that make me feel as much as peace as just sitting on the edge of my bed and picking a tune with no clear structure, just to hear the strings' deep hum and feel the body resonate against my own.

I picked it up... Shit I guess it's closer to 2 years now, and practived daily for a year. I'm incredibly motivated by seeing my own progress. It's a positive feedback loop, I practice -> I see myself get better -> I get motivated -> I keep practicing. It goes for all of my hobbies, really. But a bit under a year ago I got far enough that the visible (audible?) improvement slowed down a lot and I've been struggling to keep the habit up since. I found a free online course recently though so, I might try to give myself "class" a few times a week.

I hope with practicing regularly I build a better tolerance to playing again. My right hand started cramping up quickly (it does this despite warming up, ugh) and my left hand is blistering since I lost my callouses from last I played a lot. Though I'm still clumsy and rusty, I feel like today's play session went pretty well.

Misc moments

Hair like liquid gold

While I was refilling my water bottles saw this person outside my window. A bit tall, a narrow but strong build with this gorgeous long mane of wavy golden hair. Dressed in tight-fitting black clothing and gripping a high-visibility vest in their left hand. I was just stunned for a while after. I don't know who this was or what gender they even were (though regardless of the answer, it wouldn't change anything). This was the most beautiful person I've seen irl in a long while. I cannot overstate how vibrant and luscious their hair was, glowing in the sun.

Nightmare

I hate how it colors the rest of my day. I don't ruminate on it, I acknowledge it and try to move on but I'm still just so tired, on edge and my heartrate feels like it's been elevated all day. I feel like I'm still dreaming and still physically experiencing it even as I try to stay grounded. I'm trying to be patient with myself.

Art fight

What do you MEAN it's only been 5 days since I posted my last art fight attack? I could've sworn it's been like 2 weeks. I don't know if it makes me feel better or worse that I haven't been gone from the art fight grind that long. I think better, honestly? If this rough patch with art hasn't been that long, I feel more hopeful that I can get back to it soon. I do really enjoy drawing other people's OCs! It's not out of a sense of obligation or desire for points, it's a great way to speedrun troubleshooting my art process and get out of my comfort zone. I've had so much fun with my attacks so far.

Comparisons

Man, I try not to compare myself to others and whatnot but the jealousy(?) still creeps in when looking at other websites here sometimes. I try to remind myself of the half-remembered quote that gets me through creative endavors sometimes: "you hate it because it looks like you made it." I don't know if it still makes sense to others with the forgotten context around it. I try to dismiss the feeling, this website's for my own fun.